Step 8 of the Fusion Program: Discover and correct your faults
Maybe people already consider you the best person they know… but I doubt it. If your behaviour had been informed from an early age by your deeper female self however, they probably would. Now it’s time to find out what went wrong, because things aren’t going to suddenly occur to you like magic just because your expressing your female side; sometimes you have to actively investigate and analyse what has happened in your life to find the way forward. Discovering your faults as a person and correcting them is definitely the way forward.
Let me repeat that: discovering your faults as a person and correcting them is definitely the way forward.
I repeat it because humans are incredibly bad at doing this, and it’s a tragedy because correcting your faults is one of the most significant and effective ways to improve your life.
You may protest that you do try to correct your faults, but it’s highly probable that you do so superficially. What I mean by this is that any responsible, mature person knows they should correct their faults and sometimes makes an effort to do so, but their method is extremely limited. So, how do you know if you’ve done the job properly?
The general rule is that if the faults you discovered were extremely hard to accept and you resisted all the way, then you really did discover your faults. Our true faults (not the obvious ones like being late, being irritable or being messy) make us deeply uncomfortable… they violate our own image of ourselves and we refuse to believe them. By their very nature these faults are hidden from us.
We call these unknown weak points your secret faults because your friends and your exes and your family know them but they are keeping them secret. Or maybe not; maybe in an argument one time someone has said “you know, you are the most selfish person I know” or something similar, but because it was said during an argument you didn’t take it as a self-improvement indicator. You took it as an insult in an argument.
That, in a way, is the tragic thing about secret faults… they are only revealed in moments of conflict so they are never taken seriously and discussed in a calm, rational manner between two people who care for each other. They are simply the big guns we pull out of the bag when that person annoys us. And when they pull out their big guns we shoot back with our big guns, “That’s rich coming from you… you are the most arrogant person in the whole fucking world.” However, these secret faults should not be tools of destruction but maps which point the way to change; they are a gold mine of information on the way you treat people and therefore the key to what areas you need to work on.
Because our secret faults only get aired in conflict they become tainted. Even if someone does try to have a calm discussion we get immediately defensive because we are programmed to associate the airing of faults with clawing each other’s eyes out. However, you must break this programing and approach the people you know (and the ones you knew, because if someone left you they probably know all about your faults.) The people you know – even the toxic ones – are a lot smarter than you think when it comes to understanding you, and I bet that if you ask, in a moment of confidence, what are your biggest faults, you’re going to learn something valuable. Ask them the following question: why don’t you consider me the best person you know? Ignore the answer at your peril.
Of course, what you will receive is essentially feedback, and like all feedback you must judge its merit… you don’t go impetuously changing things about yourself. But you should take everything said very… very… seriously. Once you have information you consider valuable, then set about changing the way you treat people accordingly.
If you are wondering how this relates to your deeper female self it is about starting a new journey in your life. The problem is, though, that when we set out the GPS is already configured to the direction we always took in the past. Our personality faults are like recurring system errors that cause delays, breakdowns and cancellation. You must clear its memory, erase the bugs and iron out inconsistencies… then you can truly head out in a new direction.
